Hemophilia
by Undercooked
Summary: Incest is a terrible idea. So every time I read a fic about Zuko and Azula, I'm like, whoa - what deformities would their child have? This is the sad, crack-ish, badly written story of Hemophilia, their child. M for...well, incest.
1. Hemophilia's Sad Tale of Woe and Shit

A/N: HEY EVERYONE. What the hell? Incest? Really? Parody. Much the parody is called for.

Disclaimer: I do not own incest or The Last Airbender.

**Hemophilia**

**by Undercooked**

"Fun fact: children conceived of an incestual union often suffer from some sort of genetic mutation," pointed out Iroh helpfully.

"How was that appropriate, like, ever?" asked Hemophilia, who had just been thinking about how surprised he was that the old man was still alive.

"Just providing helpful information, great-nephew - seeing as those damned fanfiction authors made you the freak!baby of your father and his sister."

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Put an unnecessary exclamation point between 'freak' and 'baby'."

"I don't know - all the other fanfictions were doing it."

"If all the other fanfictions jumped off a bridge, would you?"

The old man grumbled in reply to the deformed youth.

Hemophilia patted his great-uncle's shoulder consolingly, and said,

"It's okay, great-uncle Iroh - you were definitely right about those stupid fanfiction writers making my parents mate. But what's done is done now, and it's okay that I'm slightly demented, have only half a left leg, and have Fanconi's disease. I've come to terms with that fact."

"But how can you, when just over there in Unnamed Fic #3, your half-brother frolics, comparatively unscathed?"

"Why comparatively?"

"Because it's a terrible fic and he's bipolar or something. But at least he has his limbs!"

"Great-uncle, I don't think we have room to be dissing anyone else's fic."

"That's true. I AM like 643 years old and look exaclty like I did when I was 60..."

"And I'm the brutally honest offspring of two siblings. We make a terrible story. I mean, where ARE we? The author totally failed to mention that. Are we in a bedroom? A living room? On a ship? At the beach?"

There followed an awkward silence.

"...So what do we do now?" asked the immortal Iroh.

"Um...make out?" replied Hemophilia.

"More incest? But...isn't it incest that got us into this mess?"

"You know the old saying: 'if your parents are brother and sister, make out with your great-uncle and a rainbow will appear.' "

"That's the dementia."

"Definately the dementia."

Just then, Aang hobbled in, leaning on an air-cane, and said,

"Are you the mutant love-child of Zuko and Azula?"

"That would be me," replied Hemophilia. "And aren't you like fifty?"

"...Logic does not belong here," stated the elderly airbender. "You of all people should know that. I've come to offer you an offer."

"Offer me an offer? That's just bad grammar."

"Shut the fuck up, mutant. Anyway, as I was saying, I've come to offer you an irresistible offer."

"What is it?"

"Well, if I were to use fanfiction logic, it would be a quest of some sort. But screw that. I'm prematurely ancient. I hate fanfiction - we all do. I've amassed an army. Lesbian Katara, overly maternal Mai, every one of Sokka's abused lovers, and many others. I've come to invite you and your super old-young great uncle." said the avatar.

Hemophilia nodded seriously, as overly maternal Mai ran over and hugged him, exclaiming,

"I love you! I will love you forever! I wish you could live in my soul!"

"I'll join if you get her off me."

"Deal."

And so a deal was made.


	2. Hemophilia In Love

**Hemophilia : Ch. 2**

**by Undercooked**

Hemophilia and Iroh accompanied Ancient Aang to the HQ of the Anti-Fic Army. There, something occured that no-one ever thought possible - the incest!baby found love.

They were a perfect match - she was the deformed child of Sokka and Katara, had only half a right leg, was slightly demented, and was a hemophiliac. Her name was Fanconi, and she had an intoxicating smile...or was that half her mouth being paralyzed from a stroke? Either way, Hemophilia didn't care - he was smitten.

"Aww, that's...so gross!" exclaimed Aang.

"I think childhood love is so SWEET!" cried overly maternal Mai, dabbing at her eyes. Lesbian Katara grabbed her by the hair and began to make out with her.

"Wow...is every day this disturbing here?" asked Iroh.

"If not more." replied Aang. "Now, let's leave these kids to their...weird. We'll take a tour of the camp."

The two old youngsters left, leaving Hemophilia and Fanconi with the strangely matched couple, who were macking on the floor.

Ignoring that, Hemophilia said,

"I love your leg stump."

"Thanks," she replied. "I like yours."

Just as they wheeled their chairs together for a really awkward kiss, a new person broke into the tent, exclaiming,

"N BDAH BH J mnjfnjnfa j!"

"Oh, god," sighed lesbian Katara. "It's super crazy Azula again. She almost bit off my leg yesterday."

Super crazy Azula was followed by gay Sokka, who was yelling,

"Hey! She stole my nail polish!"

Hemophilia sighed,

"I am seriously concerned about my well-being."

To supplement this, super crazy Azula sprung on gay Sokka, rabidly biting his face.

...

"How do you like your new home, great-nephew?" asked Iroh that night, as all the dysfunctional characters sat around a campfire.

"It's...honestly, it's frightening." replied Hemophilia.

"I don't know...I'm getting along pretty well with strangely feminine Toph and highschool Zuko. Although he DID punch a hole in my teapot..."

"I hate the world!" yelled highschool Zuko from across the circle, punching a tree.

"Oh, shut up, whiney." snapped lesbian Katara, whereupon he burst into tears. Overly maternal Mai ran over and hugged him, and super crazy Azula bit her own ankle.

"Yeah, we're leaving." said Iroh.

"Thought so." replied Hemophilia. And with that, they quietly snuck away from the camp of the Anti-Fic Army.

"Farewell, fair Fanconi." sniffed the freak child. "I'll miss you and your lovely leg stump..."

"That's so gross!" exclaimed Iroh from the shadows.


End file.
